Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I dared to read a book with a Poser model composed cover. Sometimes, when your gut says "don't take that dare", you should listen to it. Or you just might force yourself to read a 40 page novella that ends up being the literary equivalent of drinking orange juice and milk mixed together; then spending the next few hours feeling regretful and nauseous.
Cat Fancy by Julia Talbot.
Well this isn't the Cat Fancy we all know and love, as I see no Persian cats and article titles such as "Tuna or Whiting: Which is Healthier for Your Kitty?"... but there's three poser models that look like they are probably in some kind of romantic triangle or something- man, look at how bad that hair rendering is! Oh I bet this is Twighlight with werecats? Hahaha- that font for CAT FANCY. Or were...leopards? Who names a romance novel CAT FANCY? Or... man I give up.
What I Got:
A book about 3 werecats having explicit, poorly written sex with dialogue such as "God, look at how hot you are for me, babe" and "I like extra cream...with everything" and "When her arms gestured her tits bounced" and "Pretty, pretty, pretty kitty". I'm just imagining some woman... at home with her cats, writing this at her coffee table and thinking "someone must share my werecat threesome fantasies!".
I should have studied it closer... the telling signs were there. I was blinded by the bad cover and didn't heed the warnings. The gilded pink font...The terrible 80's hair. The bustier and booty shorts... the poser hand at his fly. The clasped mandibles... The too-tight shirts. "Changeling Press"... What a fool I was. This cover said "horrible threesome porno novella" all over it. I'm sticking to sci-fi for a while to bleach my mind.